Stress is not good for the soul
I just felt the need to write. My objective of course was to have a supplement here to my actual health vlog channel. But I have enough pressure as it is. Maybe at some point I can get to a place within myself where I can wake up and jot my morning junk, release and continue with the day.
I feel like stress is killing me.
I dont so much care about my weight quite frankly. I do despise how I feel though. I have returned to a point where sleeping is a nightmare. I am extra hot. I have to position my plush a certain way to not feel like I am squashing myself. Not to mention my back feels tighter than spring coils. My bones creak all the time. And I don't mean when stretching- When I get up; When I roll out of bed; When I turn; When I go up the stairs. I also have a sneaking suspicion that my tush is trying to swallow the toilet seat.
My anxiety keeps me up at night. I am constantly nervous always feeling like I am not doing enough, never done enough, or there's something that I should be doing that I will probably fail at. No one is awake when I am so can't really talk about it in a way that would calm me. So I munch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. I don't take issue with late night snacks. But I know this has gone far beyond hunger pangs at the moment. I remember two nights away I woke up gasping for air because I was sure whatever I was dreaming was happening. There was no one to tell hey I can't breathe or where am I . Scary shit.
I know that I am not taking care of myself in full capacity. I also haven't quite figured out what I need right now. So how can I give myself something I am unaware of? I guess awareness is a start.
I feel like stress is killing me.
I dont so much care about my weight quite frankly. I do despise how I feel though. I have returned to a point where sleeping is a nightmare. I am extra hot. I have to position my plush a certain way to not feel like I am squashing myself. Not to mention my back feels tighter than spring coils. My bones creak all the time. And I don't mean when stretching- When I get up; When I roll out of bed; When I turn; When I go up the stairs. I also have a sneaking suspicion that my tush is trying to swallow the toilet seat.
My anxiety keeps me up at night. I am constantly nervous always feeling like I am not doing enough, never done enough, or there's something that I should be doing that I will probably fail at. No one is awake when I am so can't really talk about it in a way that would calm me. So I munch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. I don't take issue with late night snacks. But I know this has gone far beyond hunger pangs at the moment. I remember two nights away I woke up gasping for air because I was sure whatever I was dreaming was happening. There was no one to tell hey I can't breathe or where am I . Scary shit.
I know that I am not taking care of myself in full capacity. I also haven't quite figured out what I need right now. So how can I give myself something I am unaware of? I guess awareness is a start.
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